Posted by Carl Barbarin on January 12, 2011 at 1:26pm
Well, you know how each section in the band has their own characteristics? For example, The Tuba section is usually the big guys, Trombones are the too cool people, B-Tones are the serious section, F-Horns are the class clowns, Trumpets are the technical guys(Mostly music majors), Saxes are usually like the middle child(Always dancing and trying to get attention), Clarinets are the Trumpets little sisters, Piccolos and flutes are kinda lost in the frey, and drummers are in a league of their own. What's your band's section characteristics?
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Clarinets - Known as the "the ninjas", as they are rarely heard. Most girl clarinets get mad very easily but you can get them un-mad at you just as easily by cracking a low brass joke. More often sharp than flat. This section gets called out as a whole quite frequently, even though only about 2 players really deserve it (and we ALL know who they are). Time after time, the band director will take his anger (from the trombones talking) out on the clarinets. They are the softest even though their section is massive, least regarded, and when they are complimented, it's a huge deal. They are one of the most creative sections, sometimes even coming up with their own dances before competitions.
Flutes - Walking bags of wind, looked down on by almost every other section, and let's face it, are only good for trilling. Placed behind colorguard in a line of defense if zombies attack the band. They are also known as the least intimate section because of their infamous inner section fights (which are certain to happen) and their love of gossip. To a flute player, nothing is ever going right. If you piss one off enough you are sure to get a whack on the back causing a broken flute and a lawsuit. Most likely to drop their instrument through the bleachers. Will do 'ultimate kicks' with no purpose. This section is usually in the middle of the scale, behind saxophones and in front of low brass. As nice as they seem, bears, sharks, and the black plague have all been known to be nicer. This section generally consists of the members of the band who have to play the most difficult rhythms while doing drill (and aren't the best at things like sliding and scurrying). Flutes are well known for making sure they stand exactly where their spot is on the field by some magical ability. However, if the form happens to be off a couple steps or so then on the drill sheets and you try and point this out to them, be prepared to get a tirade about how right they are. When sleep-deprived, very deadly. When PMSing, which approximately 4/5 of the section is at any given time, even more deadly. Usually has most of the whiners in the band. Has some girls (not all) that people want out of the band.
Saxophones - Not the brightest bulbs in the chandelier. Obsessed with their horridly out of tune sound they add jazz riffs and solos where they don't belong. Usually the saxophone section is the most outgoing and incredibly messed up section in the band. Their section leader is usually the most laid back or the rare tightwad. A common nickname for the sax line is the "Sexophones", or the "Smexyphones", due of course to the sexiness, and all around coolness the section is known for throughout the band, as it results in chattiness, and lack of accomplishing anything.
Typical former trumpet player
Trumpets - The director's (or asst. directors) favorite. Usually propelled by just 1 or 2 very good, and usually very shortand quasi attractive players, although all of them attempt to be the highest, loudest, and most arrogant (ego). Enjoys playing loudly and amazingly to deafen people within a 5 mile radius. They are granted the ability to play piccolo notes on their trumpet, which, when done correctly, will be so incredibly awe-inspiring that wars will end, all people will have enough food, all people will have shelter, and the entire world's economy will collapse and be replaced with one based on the value of chocolate. However, if a note is missed, a note is added, or the soloist squeaks, run for cover, as the world will shortly end due to a phenomenon known to experts as "the apocalypse", because of this most non-talented trumpets are relegated to Cs and Bbs in the staff and they somehow manage to f*ck that up too.
Mellophones - Consists of 3-4 people who are usually seen traveling together. Often called the marching French Horn. Although usually small in size, they are very powerful. Due to a new trend, there is at least one really attractive player and everyone else is oddly short or oddly tall. This section of the band usually consists of several really talented players, and some very awful players. The mellophones tend to be forgotten about in music compositions, often having identical parts to other sections like saxes or clarinets. They are basically there to add more volume to the alto part, because the saxophones just can't cut it. It is rumored that Chuck Norris played the mellophone.
Low Brass - The section that does nothing but slack off and crack perverted jokes. Usually arrogant and big headed, they typically consist of men and the occasional girly girl. The presence of females within the section that do not match the required testosterone levels causes confusion and sometimes death.
Average middle-aged washed up tuba player
Tubas - Usually synonymous with the word "gross", the tuba section is the craziest section in the whole band. The biggest goofballs in the entire band, they're always the ones who choose to never keep their mouths shut. It is quite rare for any section to go more than a day without being yelled at by the tubas. When the tuba section is not yelling, directors and staff can usually be heard cursing under their breath. Despite their curt nature, most tuba players have innate musical talent. In some bands, the majority of kids that have been sent to State Band have been tuba players. Legend tells of a band awarding the tuba section with "Section of the Year". Also consists of the most arrogant people in the band (besides trumpets).
Trombones - (A.K.A Boners) This section consists of people who are consistently lazy. They tend to spend most of any individual practice time napping or taking water breaks, and any time the director attempts communication, nothing seems to get through. Despite their unwillingness to practice, Trombone players have a natural tendency to be perfect. People who are confident in their girth will often play. Some of which are typically obnoxious light-saber loving tards. When in large numbers, the Trombone Players M.O. is to make loud noises with no coherent thought other than to further their reputation as a retard. When small in number, there has to be one Giant (the guy who looks like he ate growth hormones as a kid). Trombone players have a natural tendency to be louder than everyone else in the band. No matter what happens trombones are also always right. Mistakes are the fault of Percussion/drum majors/trumpets. It is often believed that God himself forged the first trombone known to man out of volcanic magma and awesomeness.
Baritones - A smaller but beefier instrument with sound comparable to that of a truck backfiring. It is claimed that the baritone is a manly instrument, although in reality, they are just trombones that are just bent more. Baritone players are often scrawny little chaps, although sometimes, there can be a larger, more manly member of the section. This person is probably a descendant of a trombone player or just good friends with one. It is the heaviest strap-free instrument in marching band. The poor bastard who has to carry the thing for the first month of marching band is greatly rewarded with amazing biceps by the end of the season.
Drumline - The drummers are usually (key word here being usually) the hottest of the band. They also use the most drugs and like to get high a lot. Quads are the best looking of the drumline and know the most, even though half the time it's just dirt that comes from them. The basses consist of mainly stubborn girls who don't do what they're told. The bass line is otherwise known as the bitch line. It usually has the most drama. None of this would happen if they didn't look over their drum/drop on their heels. The snares are the cocky ones who think they're the most badass talented people in the band. They.never.stop.drumming. The center snare is usually the only good one and the rest are just good looking idiots who can't march in time. The cymbals are the coolest. They are bad percussionists who goof off the whole time and still win stuff.
Sideline Percussion (Pit)[2] - Sometimes referred to as the "Giant lawn ornaments," which are played by large lawn gnomes. Affectionately called the "Pit" by the band director, this group is made up of people who had failed to meet his standards in marching and playing and some that actually want to be there, thus thrown into a "pit" of marimbas, xylophones, timpani and assorted percussion instruments. Many of the marchers have a defined resentment for the gremlins who stay in their tent all Band Camp long, not having to march a step; however, say it to their face, and you will find limbs missing and mallets shoved up your ass. They possess the power of playing upwards of 24 * 10^31 sticks at one time, disregarding their ability to actually play the actual music with any real talent. Players in the "Pit" are constantly told to "listen back", which is often impossible due to the fact that their obnoxiously loud instruments are in the way, the horns are in the way, and they're not facing "back" in the first place. This is often ignored by the band staff, especially the egotistical drumline instructor, who responds by saying "listen harder." Generally made up of kids too spazzy for the drumline, or not gay enough for the color guard. They put up with the worst people, have to listen to the worst jokes, and are forced to deal with the annoying (once bad-ass) percussion instructor and are the least respected even though they are the only people in the band with any actual responsibility.
Drifters- A.K.A alternates. These people are not a section, but rather a group of individuals that have switched instruments because a section needs more members or their section leaders emit Hitler-like qualities. Another reason these people usually don't get spots in the show may be because of a rare disease called Einotpleymusikworthakrapeosis. Except the occasional talented player, most of the people in this "section" are looked down on by the rest of the band for being "non-committal", or "complacent". They never get solos.
Color Guard - Part of the band, yet not really. They often complain that the band isn't even important. However, everyone, even themselves, know they are dead wrong. The color guard members are often the most annoying of the band, with their makeup, costumes, and God awful laugh that can be heard above everyone else. They are like the black sheep of the family. Color Guard members often start unnecessary drama with other sections of the band, because they want to actually communicate with someone that isn't in their section. Scientists have yet to prove any laws stating so, but out of a standard ten, nine color guard are, 99.7% of the time, horribly disfigured or ugly in some way, while one is ridiculously hot; however as stated earlier, this law has yet to be proven. Regardless of looks, no color guard in the history of foreverness has ever been able to count to 4 on tempo.
Band Director, usually an adult male who demeans other students in an attempt to make up for his unwholesome dreams of glory. Will make the band practice in any weather, including tornadoes, hurricanes, apocalypses, deadly cold, and the Fires of Hell.
Drum Major, also known as "Hitler", the alpha-band geek, who may, or may not be the master of his or her domain. Basically a metronome with a cape. They are suck ups to the band director and are usually the closest to him and get blamed for all that goes wrong. Normally suffers from permanent PMS, and can occasionally say things like "Am I seriously going to do this without my podium?!". Usually a woodwind player or sometimes a brass player, or on occasion a snare player. Drum Majors are the people who either don't want to play anymore, get sick pleasure out of bossing others around, or are just the most BA band members. Troopers of the band, seeing as the pain of conducting is one that even Satan doesn't inflict on others. They are usually annoyed by the clarinets and saxophones at band practices and competitions. Most drum majors think they are very good at conducting, but really, they tend to look like penguins trying to fly.
Section Leader(s), veteran players. They aren't drum major so this is the closest to a leadership position they can gain, given to seniors and juniors. There are typically three types of section leaders. One is the "This is the most important role I've ever had so by God I'm going to do it right!". They usually are the uptight section leaders who have a bear so far up their ass that they are coughing up hair balls. The second is the "I only wanted to be a section leader so I could appear accomplished, but I don't have a leadership bone in my body". These people have the credentials, but don't have the guts to tell a freshman that they are gonna run laps if they don't stop screwing around. The third and final type is the retarded bipolar mash up of the two. These section leaders switch on and off from being the responsible uptight prick, to the person you're screaming at in your head, because the girl in front of you can't cover down to save her life.
Wannabe Section Leaders(s), players who aren't section leaders but try to be anyway. They are at times referred to as the “Anti-Christ” among their peers. They are always seeking for revenge, or being sought for revenge. Usually pretty bitter about not being section leader, so although they lack actual power, it's not wise to piss off the wannabe-leaders. Most are juniors who deserve to rule, but lose to a senior because of seniority rule. Constantly interfere with section leader plots. They are most likely a favorite of a choir teacher. Most wannabes are good at yelling and expect the other members to roll over and take it (which they do but sometimes they have someone ball-z enough to turn around and yell "I don't have to listen to you, you're not the section leader!" which the wannabe responds by saying "no need to be a bitch about it!" and turns around, completely ignoring everyone around them and plays by themselves)
Band Parents, an evil-subspecies of human that lurk around band camp and the sacred competitions. Research is inconclusive, but theory has it that the secret organization of band parents constructed a formula to control band directors everywhere with profuse amounts of alcohol and valve oil.
Replies
Wat one of our mellos almost went to jail on an away game in Jackson
Fame said:
of course and thats none everywhere....
RJ1919 said:
RJ1919 said:
Flutes- lol the sweet girls
Clarinets- the mean ppl that dont wanna be bothered
Saxophones- Cool and Laid Back
Trumpets- The ppl who swear they better than everybody lol
Mellos- Just Crazy
Btones- Cool, Tite, Serious, BEAST, and Crazy ( lol just sayin that cause its my section)
Trombones- Always Dancing and singing and stuff
Tubas-Comedians
Drumline- Pranksters, lol think they hard, always gettin off tempo, and they get away with a lot of stuff
Drumajors- Leaders, cool with us when the BDs trippin, Am I the only one that noticed that DMs are Tall and real Skinny ?
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